Some days ago I was so disappointed and sad, that life made no sense any more. It was after I was told by the girl I like so much, that we should only stay friends. Everything seemed to be so right, I had so much hope, and it only took a couple of words to make it all die. And if this would have been the first time I am told this, then it would have been somehow easier to think that I have learned something out of this, and move on. Since this has happened a lot of times before, I felt alone and useless. I thought that I will never find someone who can love me, someone who doesn’t just think of me as just another nice guy. In love, I only knew pain and suffering. Failing, even many times, is something I can accept. But always failing … I felt like the stupidest person on the face of earth, and smiling made me even more stupid.
Fortunately, I had some good friends around to encourage me, to help me get over it and start hoping again. Today I had some good time at the Saar-Spektakel, and hopefully during the next days it will be even more fun. So I do have feelings, and I do cry sometimes, thus “Smiling. Always” is maybe not the best name for my blog. Any other suggestions?
[Edited 2006-08-10: Added a drawing by Randall Munroe. Not how I feel but nice idea.]